Dear Rooney,
Lately, sometimes I think you were only put on this earth to break my heart, but I know that is not true. I lost you so suddenly and I felt so helpless when it was happening. You came and found me at the sink, in the bathroom, you felt it was time for you to go. You collapsed in my arms and I was next to you on the floor begging and crying for you to get back up. Your breaths were so shallow and then you were gasping. After I heard your gasps, I told you it was ok to go and that I loved you. I had no idea your soul was ready to leave that night. Maybe your soul wasn't ready to leave, but your body was ready to rest.
I can't even describe how much me, your daddy, Papoo, Marmy, and your brothers and sisters miss you.
I remember the first time I held you. You were the biggest pup and the most assertive, when I first seen you. I picked you up and you were so heavy, with your big clumsy paws. I remember your real mommy and daddy were so angry that I took you, but I loved you with all of my heart. You were so smart and so easy to train. You were such a good baby.
Through the years I know things may have been confusing, but I was always there with you..and you were always there with me...through all the hard times. You had some health problems, but you overcame them. Although, I do not doubt that those health problems may have stolen some years off of your life.
It's not fair, I wasn't ready for you to go! We just moved out here to the country only two years ago and daddy just made all of those paths for us to take our walks. I'm sometimes angry that you left, but I cry as I write you this letter.
Daddy and Papoo buried you and they did such a good, gentle job. Me and your Marmy couldn't watch when it was being done, it was too much for us to take. I had buried with you a beautiful hawks feather I found that day, near what was going to be your grave site, some sage I burned to help your soul move on and some oils. Daddy and Papoo placed them with you in your grave.
Daddy made such a nice grave for you the next day. He placed a headstone that we will carve your name in and he placed a plaque that says we love you. You have such a beautiful spot in our woods. But at night, I hate looking out there when I can hear the wind, I'm so worried that you are cold. I know you really aren't cold, but I always worry that you are. I don't like to hear the wind outside anymore because I know you are not inside warm with us.
I would have never been ready for this, for you to leave. This never would have been easy, even if you were really, really sick. I'm so glad I didn't take you to the ER that night. I think you would have died in a place you hated the most. I'm glad it was here, at our home, where you loved to be. Your vet told us that taking you to the ER would not have helped, that we made the right decision by keeping you here. It still isn't fair though.
Losing you has shaken my world. I have so many good memories, but I wasn't ready to stop making memories. If I would have known I was going to lose you that night, I would have done so many things differently.
I see your favorite spots around our home and I can't help but get choked up. Miller and Bella miss you. Daddy, me, Miller and Bella all took a walk to visit your grave and Bella and Miller went right to it and sniffed your grave. They knew.
It's been so hard and late at night sometimes I think I hear you. I wish you were still here, laying your big head on my lap or coming over to my side of the bed to tell me goodnight, each night before laying down.
I hope you are in a happy place. I love you and miss you, forever.
Love, Mommy xoxo
"His spirit finds its way into the spirit world, lifted on the wind above the grandeur and beauty of the earth." ~Yellow Wolf (Kiowa), 1920
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